I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
