so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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