btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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