yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
