Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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