Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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