I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
