dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize