I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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