sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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