i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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