my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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