Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize