Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
