we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
