Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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