Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
