My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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