he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
