this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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