Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
