How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
