Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize