Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize