she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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