when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
