I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
