I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm like, not good at living.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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