The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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