The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
