my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
