I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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