bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
