Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
