lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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