As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
