We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
