let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
