I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
