3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
