Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize