i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
