Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
