My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
