I accidentally burped into my bong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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