Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think i have two assholes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
