My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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