What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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