just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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