He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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