You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
worst night to have a conscience
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there is glitter all over my balls
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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