Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
