is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
