this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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