Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
