I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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