i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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