I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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