just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
