your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
