He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
