i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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