It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
