I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
