i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm at about main and main street
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
