My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
