porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
