I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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