i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
