she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
